For anyone who has ever been to the glorious place of Beaches Turks and Caicos, you would know what all the hype is about. For anyone who has ever been to Marist College, you’d know campus is just as nice. For anyone who has been to both, you know what I just said was a lie. For anyone who has been to neither, you should know that comparing these two places is like comparing the Eight Mile of Detroit to the Plaza Hotel. Okay…maybe not that extreme. Don’t get us wrong, Marist is a great place. It’s more like comparing The Plaza Hotel to The Hampton Inn; The Hampton Inn is nice, but once you’ve gone Plaza, you can never go back. Turks and Caicos is the best place in the world; it’s like Disney World on crack. 

 Lots of crack. 

 Oodles of crack.

Plethora’s of crack.

Enough crack to fill all 5 pools, 8 miles of white sand beaches, all 7 villages and 16 restaurants.

By now you should get the point. And no one knows this point better than me and my good friend, fellow Red Fox, and avid Turks and Caicos goer, Ali Buzzelli. So for this blog, we’ve collaborated to bring you 20 reasons why college should be more like Turks and Caicos.

Enjoy.

Or don’t.

We don’t give a crap.

1.The drinking age should be 18

2. All the bars should be free

3. The Hudson River should look more like the Caribbean Sea and have friendlier aquatic life (Canadian are far more aggressive than Clownfish)

4. When you take a shower in college after a long day, you don’t have a fresh towel waiting for you in the shape of an origami swan. 

5. Unlimited dining hall sushi and unlimited Kimono’s sushi are two very different things. 

6. The McCann Center Pool doesn’t offer water aerobics classes every morning at 8:30. It also doesn’t have a swim-up bar. 

7. The local bartenders don’t have names like “Genboy” and “Worms” and have equally matching personalities. 

8. The Marist Beach is nothing like the beaches of Turks and Caicos. It’s also not a beach.

9. There are no live Sesame Street shows every night to satisfy children of all ages.

10. And as great as President Murray is, Elmo is more fun to have your picture taken with.

11. There are no cars on the resort in Turks and Caicos, therefore no dealing with lack of parking when Bernie Sanders comes to town. 

12. The only Bernie that comes to Turks and Caicos is the really drunk guy who sat next to you at Kimono’s. You also don’t have the oppurtunity to see Bernie Sanders on the beach the next day, equally drunk, and really sunburnt. Can you guess who’s Feelin’ the (sun)Bern?

13. Unlike the Cab, Bobby Dee’s is open all night.

14. Like the bars and Bobby Dee’s, the Cab should be free. 

15. I’ve been in college almost a year and not once has someone come to turn down my bed at night.

16. Snorkeling can not be found in the Marist Course Description Guide.

17. There’s no on-campus weddings to crash.

18. A hired math tutor doesn’t give you the same satisfaction as a butler. They don’t even wear the white gloves.

19. When you first arrive on Move In Day at Marist, no one offers you a hot towel and a rum punch.

20. The security guards at the dorm entrances rarely offer warm smiles and Jamaican accents and tell you to “Enjoy your stay!” 

If you’ve been to this magical place we speak of you know what the hype is about. But if you haven’t, take our word for it.

We’re obviously very cool people.^

So if you want a vacation that beats Disney on crack, stick to the Caribbean and leave the Hudson behind. And if you hate happiness, unlimited frozen tropical beverages, or simply don’t care, we really don’t give a crap.