“Why am I sitting here jotting down assignment after assignment? Why am I not cursing his name as he gives me 70 more pages of reading tonight? Why am I agreeing to this? I have two other tests and an entire season of Grey’s Anatomy to finish, not to mention a marginally adequate blog with crap givers to please. I don’t have time to read a book about post World War II America that’s about as big as Texas. So why am I agreeing to do it?” That’s what I want to say, basically at the end of every college class I take, week after week, but instead I sit there as the teacher lists the assignments, and then quietly return to taking my notes. Why do I do this? Well, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? College students and/or their parents fork out a pretty penny for a college education, so we do the work. Why? Because we’re supposed to. So we sit, shut up, and don’t argue with the teacher about the work load, no matter how long our other term paper is, or how far behind we are in Grey’s. 

When it comes to college, friends, or anything else in life, sometimes I can’t help but wonder, why don’t people say what they feel? Yes, half the time it is to spare the feelings of others, but then it comes down to us to decide, would we rather have an ugly truth or a beautiful lie? Like ripping off a band aid, an ugly truth would sting at first, but then the pain is over and we’re relieved. Like the pain of pulling off a band aid. A beautiful lie has lie has lasting effects if it’s facade is ever uncovered. More like the pain of a lasting heartbreak. So, as I was sitting in my first class back from Spring Break and my teacher shoveled out our weekly reading as well as our two upcoming term papers, I wanted to scream. I wanted to curse his name. I wanted to ask him if he had a life, other than to make mine miserable, but considering how rarely his belt matches his shoes, he clearly doesn’t. So I didn’t. Because you can’t. Like refraining from yelling out to a teacher, or reprimanding him for his lack of basic fashion sense,  we can’t speak our minds, in fear of hurting others. Because someone, somewhere, invented this thing called the status quo, and we’re expected to follow it. So we do. 

So because of the status quo, we for some reason can’t tell the whole truth all of the time. Wouldn’t it be so much easier to live in a world where everything was black and white? Telling someone you love them is easy. Telling someone you appreciate them is much harder. Why can’t we look people we love in the eyes, and tell them how much we really do love them? Why are we afraid of telling our parents how much we really appreciate what they do, or thanking our siblings for having our back, or our friends for reminding us we’re not alone, and reminding us to keep it together before we let it fall apart? Why is it easier to write a sentimental message in a card than say it to someone in person. Is the separation between the person and a thin sheet of paper with pen really protecting us that much? Relationships are like the glue of life. In the times the glue doesn’t hold together, and a crack reopens, it’s important to be able to know whether to try and glue it back together again, or enjoy the rebellious thrill of shattering it for good. We’re afraid to do good, and more importantly, we’re afraid of saying good. And bad. Life would be better if we said what we wanted. Said what we felt. And most importantly, felt what we wanted and felt what we say. 

For all of the crap givers that follow Catholicism, the season of Lent just ended. For most people, Lent is about doing less. Swearing less. Judging less. Eating less. But instead, we would be benefitted if we did more. Cared more. Said more. Acted more. But instead we say what’s at the surface, and say what we feel is safe, and say what others want to hear. Because we spare our feelings and follow the status quo. If the saying, “The truth hurts” happens to be a lie, it just might possibly be the most beautiful lie we have. There may never be an answer for why people don’t say what pops into their head, and who came along and said that wasn’t right to do. I’m learning that sometimes there are things in life you just never have an answer to, and the only way to get past them is to accept them. Accept people are weird and life isn’t fair, and accept that behind all the beautiful lies, theres a few beautiful truths that outweigh the lies. I’m not breaking the status quo, I’m just giving a crap.