So crap givers, if you exist, here goes nothing. With the recent Powerball jackpot worth 100 kajillion zillion ridiculous dollars drawn, I decided to voice my opinion on the lottery. Anyone close to me knows that I HATE THE LOTTERY. It’s dumb. Yes, it’s true, you don’t win if you don’t play, but here’s the thing: you’re not going to win. The odds of winning the lottery are less likely than the odds of you dying in multiple bizarre and terrible ways, one of which is listed as being killed by a vending machine. A vending machine. Well, this is all depending on how hungry you are and how stuck the Twix is, but point made. The average odds of winning the recent Powerball of $1.5 billion were 1 in 292,201,338. Now I wasn’t so hot at third grade fractions, but even I know I should probably hold onto my $5. Saying you won’t win if you don’t play is like saying you won’t get hit by a bus if you don’t jump in front of one. Either way, you are most likely going to end up with some bad luck (please refrain from testing my bus theory). In January, a Georgia lottery winner had people break into his home and shoot him after raiding his house for his winnings. Now, I’m not trying to tell you that if you play the lottery you will get shot, but, IF YOU PLAY THE LOTTERY YOU WILL GET SHOT. Call me a pessimist, but the lottery is a billion dollar industry. When you have people throwing money away into a jackpot some rando wearing flip flops in his mom’s basement will win and blow by the time he’s 50, you should probably give it to something that helps the starving kids in our country. If “Arms of an Angel” and a sad looking puppy can’t get me to spot 40 cents a day to the ASPCA, I’m not really sure what could possibly get me to throw away money I will never get back. 44 percent of lottery winners spend all of their winnings within the first five years, which isn’t even easy to do. So hold onto your five dollars. Go buy a fish, pay someone’s parking meter. I bet that will bring you much more satisfaction than playing the lottery. It doesn’t make sense to me, but hey, that’s just me. You don’t have to agree, only if you give a crap.