If anyone watched the Oscars on Sunday night, you’d know it was not nearly as eventful as Ellen’s epic selfie or J-Law’s fall UP the stage (Jennifer Lawrence can defy physics but does that really surprise anyone?). But, there were some entertaining moments. And my Oscar night had an extra dose of entertainment all thanks to my good friend, Sarah Vermillion. Sarah, famously nicknamed “Say Say”, is what some would call, opinionated and uncensored. Sarah has often been compared to a grandma who you’re afraid to bring to dinner because you’re afraid she will insult your friends. You have to love her anyway, even though it’s rare there is a time you don’t want to punch her in the face. However, as a fashion merchandising major at Marist, Sarah does know a thing or two about a good style moment, so the Oscars were her category of expertise…except, with a wildly inappropriate twist. Knowing it would be a fun night, I decided to write down the crap Say said during the Oscars, without her knowing I was doing it. Keep in mind, Sarah’s version was R-rated, but I kept it PG for you crap givers. (Don’t worry, you should be thanking me) I hope you enjoy.

1. Russell Crowe gained weight
2. She looks like an Egyptian beetle
3. *yells at TV to Robin Roberts* Roberts, could you go back for a second?
4. “You’re not allowed to ask women what they’re wearing anymore”-Chris Rock “Because most likely it’s nothing”-Sarah
5. Emily Blunt and Charlize Theron look like a beautiful couple. Charlize probably does the grocery shopping.
6. So art deco. So irrelevant. 
7. Tracey Morgan looks like a hot pocket in that toga. 
8. Sam Smith is a true symbol of strength. (This was out of character, but I had to keep things insightful. Apparently she’s not just a pretty face.)
9. *referring to Sam Smith* Now he looks like an uncomfortable inchworm. (It was nice while it lasted, Say)
10. Let’s add some insight…or Saysight *pauses to laugh at herself*. Is Eddie Redmayne actually a woman?
11. What is Michael Scott doing here?
12. Funny how there are no black nominees but the entire show feels like a Tyler Perry movie.
13. Leo finally won. And now ruined every internet joke ever. 

So thanks for breaking the internet, Leo. And thanks for giving a crap about the Oscars and my inappropriate friends.